Top 10 douchebag cars! A car guy must read! - Chevy Cobalt SS Forum : Chevrolet Cobalt SS Forums
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 379
Top 10 douchebag cars! A car guy must read!

Okay guys, don't shoot the messenger. I didin't write this i found it on another forum. I know it may step on a few toes here, but its all for fun. Enjoy!

Top 10 douchebag cars

..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.


..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.


..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!


..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.


..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.


..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.


..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-****ed, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.


..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these twats a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.


..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.


and now...


The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All


Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on SRT4 owners, douche on!
Landonelf is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 04:38 PM
Contributing User
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: denver co
Posts: 3,637
that is pretty funny. good find. funny thing is, we all know somwone that has had or does have at least one of these cars. sad, but true. although, some of these cars aren't all that bad.
whodis is offline  
post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 04:57 PM
Contributing User
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Miami
Posts: 441
Send a message via AIM to ItalianJoe1
The best thing is that i have had personal encounters with all of the above, excpet the Maserati. But it's here in south FL, so you see all kinds of shit. I saw a nice black 360 Moderno being chased by a frantic Civic SI with standard issue large muffler. Why?? Douchebaggery, plain and simple. Too funny.

We need more boost!

K&N CAI, GMPP exhaust w/XTC 3" d-pipe,
Ported stock exhaust manifold, B&M Shifter
Stage 2 w/2.8, DC Sport sturt brace,
Torque brace, CAB's, poly Trans mounts,
225/40/18 BFG KDW2 tires
GM drilled rotors w/Hawk Pads
ItalianJoe1 is offline  
 
post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 379
Its funny because the writer manages to insult everyone equally. He makes fun of eurotuners, muscle car guys, and of course import tuners. So he doesn't single anyone out.
Landonelf is offline  
post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 05:28 PM
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 184
Thats the funniest F*cking thing ive ever read.
BlackSS/SC06 is offline  
post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 05:34 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,187
That is funny.

But not all of the above are all true... some are douchebags... but there are some nice guy's/or gal's out there.



87camaroPA is offline  
post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 06:07 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 8
i agree w/ camaro but funny none the less.
FDNY101202 is offline  
post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 07:19 PM
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 180
Talking

that was sum funna a$$ sh*t......
mikeyb0y is offline  
post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-05-2006, 09:47 PM
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 273
Quote:
It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.
HAHA that was pure genius!
Mrmaasta is offline  
post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-06-2006, 02:03 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,223
funny, but the civic SI is 200 hp, not 175...
Show Off is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Chevy Cobalt SS Forum : Chevrolet Cobalt SS Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome